Your own personally curated gallery and The New American Highway

My roommate Ben is an illustrator, DJ and all around smarty pants who frequently challenges me to bigger and better thinking over pumpkin pancakes and coffee. We live on Pluto, an apartment not quite the size of a planet but bigger than your average space rock, and during one such cosmic conversation I whipped out GarageBand to get some of our words on (digital) file. This was a LONG conversation, with some parts relevant to this blog and other parts splintering off into the personal realm of letter-writing and young loves lost. This particular excerpt concerns appearances versus reality, facebook as a digital gallery and the new American highway. The recording entered as we were discussing the democratization of the photographic art form through the move from film photography to digital photography.

Ben: Where do you end up seeing lots of pictures people take? On facebook. Facebook is really a photographic extender. It’s a place where all your digital pictures can be shown and live. Facebook is more an extention of a digital camera than…

Rhonda: the gallery?

B: Sure. Yeah.

R: I mean, that’s where the impact of digital photography is going to be felt more. Is on the internet.

B: On social networking sites. Everyone’s got a little camera. So where are you going to put all these pictures you just took?

R: You used a phrase earlier that I really liked: “your own personal curated gallery of your life.” Which is essentially what facebook is.

B: So I’m saying, in my personal experience, there’s someone I’m checking out, for whatever reason, because you’re going to sniff out people on facebook, you’re just going to do it, even though its a joke, if you’re using facebook, its going to happen. You might not know them at all, but you want to check them out. Before you click on their info tab to see what this person’s into, you’re looking at their picture. Facebook is oriented to look at people’s pictures first before you read anything about them. Its very image based.

R: Are you talking about people’s profile pictures or pictures people are tagged in? Because I’m very interested in thinking about the images people choose to represent themselves; the images that they actively choose or crop or edit in whatever way to be their representative photo to the facebook universe.

B: Oh that’s interesting. But you can still control what photos you are tagged in. I’m talking about how I feel like my opinion of someone-not that I’m judging them…

R: Sure you are.

B: I’m looking to see if this person has refined aesthetic taste and cares about someone else’s experience looking through their photographs on facebook. If I see 600 bad pictures of people at the bar or at a party or on vacation in the Bahamas... its generic. People can make their life look like a cliché. It's not curated, they’re not trying to give you an experience as a viewer. Their just dumping their entire hard drive onto facebook.

R: There’s no sense of refining or editing.

B: And I feel like that’s really inconsiderate to do that. Not inconsiderate in the sense of “you hurt my feelings” but just in that they did not consider the experience someone’s going to have when they flip through this. They’re just filling the internet with trash. I think about the way you organize your bedroom. It can be clutter, or it can be a nice collection of these things that mean something to you. I take it really seriously.

R: As do I!

B: Which is funny though because I end up wondering why I’m taking something that exists on facebook this seriously at all?

R: Because it’s an intentional choice. It’s a reflection of that person.

B: But it isn’t!

R: I mean, its not a reflection of that person’s soul, or anything deep and earnest that you would learn from getting to know them, but what I’m interested in are the choices that people make in creating this projection of themselves. And those are choices of words in how they describe their interests, choices of imagery and aesthetics that they use. These are active choices, and that tells you something.

B: Yes definitely. There is this kid I met up with in person after getting to know him on Tumblr, which is this simplified blogging site. Have you heard of it?

R: No.

B: It’s really awesome. You can use it for whatever you want but the way I use it is to scroll through pictures people collect for their individual pages. Its just a really minimal version of blogging. So I really like this guy’s Tumblr page, he picked the most insane pictures. A lot of them were video grabs, shit from commercials, really weird stuff but always really engaging to me. And he liked my drawings and even re-blogged some of my work. So we had a back and forth communication and he was in Chicago visiting his dad and got in touch with me to ask if I wanted to meet up. I was like, well sure! Why not? But I had expectations to really like this person.

R: Because you really liked his aesthetic.

B: Because I REALLY liked his aesthetic. His aesthetic spoke to me a lot.

R: And what happened?

B: He was just kind of a shy, early twenty something, just graduated, sociology major.

R: He wasn’t a particularly interesting person?

B: Maybe he is, but THAT NIGHT, he wasn’t interesting at all. I mean he was curious, in his oddness, and he drew a really weird picture in my sketchbook which was really awesome. So I enjoyed his company but it wasn’t the experience that I had from his images. While his images really spoke to me and made me feel like I was on board with him completely, in person he could have been just any other kid. It kind of felt like hanging out with someone’s younger brother. Like, “hey dude, do me this favor and hang out with my kid brother.” Not having anything in common with him. It was weird.

R: So something that sparked on the internet fizzled in real life.

B: I mean I still like his pictures, but I have zero investment in him as an individual after that experience. Maybe before I projected my feelings from those images that I value so much onto the person. And that was a mistake. That’s why I don’t think its good to do that with facebook, because facebook may be this extension of ourselves, our curated collection, but it doesn’t really tell you a whole lot about the experience of physically being with that person.

R: Is that the only interaction you’ve had like that?

B: All my relationships have had some sort of internet assistance.

R: Yeah, that’s just called modern life. I mean one that began on the internet and then transitioned into real life?

B: Yeah that was the only one. Its funny because I always expected to do it with a girl first, its funny that the first person I met on the internet through common interests was a guy.

R: And it had no sexual undertones at all.

B: It did though! Only because the only experience I expected to have like this was a sexual one.

R: [Laughs]

B: And so I went into it wondering if he was going to hit on me or something. I think meeting a could-be friend on the internet has the same feeling as picking up a hitchhiker of the side of the road. He COULD be a pervert. And I think that the internet’s the new American highway. Everyone’s says don’t talk to strangers in real life, and that mentality just transitions to the computer.

Spreading rumors to our dogs

A few months back, I sat down with my lovely sister Leigh in her downtown LA loft to discuss the impact social networking sites have had on our lives. Leigh's a very social lady, a 25 year-old fun-in-a-bottle who has worked as an event organizer in the past and admittedly relies on the internet for social efficacy. She's a world travel with connections all over the globe, and her most recent stop was in Portland, Oregon for one year. Read on for some of her insights into what social benefits and detriments we run into in the internet age.

Rhonda: What is your first memory of the Internet?

Leigh: My very first memory of the Internet was using it to chat with people. I don’t remember the format of it, it was a super old one on the first computer we got in 1996 or ’97. I was eleven or twelve and I thought it was cool to be able to chat with people really far away, so when mom and dad would leave I used to chat on it and stay up really late to try and talk to grown-ups. I would lie about how old I was, but it wasn’t a sexual thing. I didn’t know yet that there were pervy people on the internet, I just wanted to talk to people who didn’t live in Marietta, Georgia. And I wanted to pretend that I was older. I wish I remembered what the name of that system was…

R: It wasn’t at all associated with AOL?

L: No, it was pre-AOL. I think it was pre-ICQ.

R: So you originally saw the Internet as mainly a form of communication.

L: Yes. Totally.

R: Do you think that continued on into your teenage years? Did the Internet play a big role in your social life.

L: Yes. Not so much as a teenager but definitely as an adolescent. Over the next three years with the rise of AOL and AIM chatting and all of that, it was big part of my life. Because when you don’t have any autonomy, and you’re at that stage where you are seeking it, it was a great way to find it. You could meet up with your friends without having to get a ride from your parents. You could talk to your friends all the time. But I stopped caring about it once I got older.

R: What role does the internet play in your social life now?

L: It’s another method of staying in touch with people. And its how you figure out what’s going on 90% of the time. Once or twice in the past few weeks since I’ve moved to LA I’ve checked what’s been going on in Portland, since, you know I miss my friends and I want to know what’s going on with them. Its weird because I don’t even realize that I’m doing it, but I’ll check the Mercury, and realize where all my friends will most likely be that night.

R: So you’ve mentioned using facebook. Is maintaining your facebook profile something that is important to you? Do you feel like your profile is representative who you are?

L: I don’t think its UNtrue. I don’t think its disingenous. I think it’s a facet. I’ve always had a pretty blaisé attitude to all that. I was one of the last people I knew to get a facebook and a myspace which was around the same time actually, when facebook become open to more than just college students and myspace became really sleazy.

R: Yeah! There was this weird shift where facebook became much more acceptable to everyone and myspace became creepy and weird. And riddled with ads.

L: And it was right before Rupert Murdoch bought it, so that adds another level to it. So I didn’t really want it or care. The same way I didn’t AIM people all the time. It didn’t seem relevant to my real life. But then it became relevant when I left the country.

R: For someone who has ties in a lot of different places it’s a great tool to stay in touch.

L: Exactly. That’s how it originally was. So when I built those profiles at the time I made a point of putting as little information about myself on them as possible. I still don’t. I don’t have my favorite books or movies listed on them, because, first of all, I don’t think that’s how I would describe myself to anybody. I mean, they are facts about me, but they don’t really contribute that much to my persona.

R: That’s an interesting thought. When you look at the questions that are asked on these different profiles they seem really banal, as if these are the things that are most important to know about a person. There’s a certain level of superficiality to it that is deemed acceptable.

L: They ask you your political views and your religious views, but what I think is more relevant, especially to people of our general age group, is to be kind of snarky or sarcastic when you answer these questions. Its more about displaying yourself through wit than actual facts. So in a way, I think my profile displays me pretty accurately, because it shows that I don’t really care.

R: Or that you have a sense of humor about the whole thing.

L: That too. Also, spending the last year in Portland, there's something about Portland culture that is very facebook-oriented. People will be chatting it up in facebook before meeting up at the bar. Like in middle school or something.

R: I don’t think its singular to Portland. I think its everywhere.

L: Right, but in my experience, Portland was the first place I really encountered that. And having that experience while also being at a job where I was sitting in front of a computer all day, suddenly facebook became a lot more relevant to my life.

R: Because its this esacpe that’s really close and accessible.

L: Exactly. And I was bored. So I’d be like “What are my friends doing?” Or I’d kill time looking at their profiles.

R: I had a funny thought recently. I was thinking about how based on the photographs that exist of me on facebook, if someone started at the beginning of that series of pictures and went through the whole thing, someone could easily see the past three years of my life and understand the major events and the track my life has taken. Obviously, someone would have to be pretty creepy to do that because there are over 500 photos of me, but it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. Do you have any discomfort with the idea of that much of your life being accessible in that way?

L: I don’t think that much of my life IS accessible on the Internet in that way. I only have like 200 friends of facebook because I don’t friend people, and usually the people who friend me are people from college that I don’t really identify with anymore. The thing that makes me most uncomfortable is that these people from college who were in my life but aren’t a particularly huge part of my life are more likely to put photos of me up, so there are some FUCKING AWFUL pictures of me on facebook.

R:[Laughs]

L: But back to this whole not-caring-about-my-internet-representation thing, I could go through all the trouble of de-tagging myself so no one would ever have to know what I looked like from that terrible angle with the blunt black bangs, but at the same time I don’t really care, and I don’t want to deny that at one point that was me.

R: There is an element of openness about it that feels kind of beautiful. Like we’re not as scared of each other as we were when social networking sites first started popping up and we felt the need to edit out so much information because of stalkers or because employers might look at your profile. People seem to view it as a safe space for expression now. There isn’t a lot of judgement that goes with it.

L: I think that’s accurate. I’ll swear in my status updates when I’m friends with people I’ve met through volunteering, which might come off a very unprofessional. But it doesn’t really matter.

R: But I won’t be friends with mom on facebook for those same reasons.

L: Yeah, but that’s about basic personality types. Like, I have lots of friends in real life who I’m not friends with on facebook. It doesn’t really matter. So with mom, that’s a basic character thing. She really likes to have boundaries.

R: Right. She definitely prefers not having to know too much. Have you ever had an experience where you felt like your own boundaries about the internet were crossed?

L: Yes. When I literally ran away from New York City and I changed my phone number so I could get away from these people who were a really negative influence on my life. However, that didn’t matter because I would get a ton of myspace messages from them instead. I wouldn’t call it harassment, but it was extremely disheartening, bad communication.

R: It sounds like you were trying to disassociate yourself from this life you didn’t want anymore or this group of people you didn’t want to be a part of anymore and because we’re so easily accessible through the internet, they could keep getting to you.

L: The boundaries hadn’t necessarily been set yet, but it was painful. That was the first time I ever thought, “Shit, the internet could ruin my life.” Because I just didn’t want to hear the things they had to say or feel bombarded by them. But most recently, I’ve found it so detrimental to having healthy functioning romantic or post-romantic relationships with certain men.

R: Absolutely. I agree with you 100% on that. And not just with men.

L: Of course. It effects you regardless of your sexual preference.

R: If I were to answer that question I just posed to you, I would have to say it’s the impulse post-break up to basically become a stalker. I mean, that’s a harsh way to put it, but I would definitely feel like a stalker after I spent some time leering on my ex-girlfriend's profile. It would be this combination of making myself feel shitty by having this weird voyeuristic view into how her life has continued on without me and secondly having this self-loathing for being a creep.

L: For me it wasn’t so much of me feeling like a creep, but more thinking “THIS is how I’m choosing to spend my time?” I felt like I should be better than that. It becomes this vice, going back to someone when you can’t have them near you anymore. I felt like I should be a bigger person. If the Internet didn’t exist I would just be sitting around thinking of them, writing a sad song or something. But instead, I’m looking at a picture of their face and seeing that a new girl has commented on their wall and freaking out. So in terms of boundaries I’ve set with other people I feel like that have been breeched in the past, but breaking boundaries I’ve set up for myself is even worse. I feel like I should only date people who don’t have facebook profiles from now on.

R: What websites do you think you use the most? We’ve already talked about facebook a bunch.

L: Yeah, that’s definitely the one, but other than that, I have two gmail accounts. One that’s more professional and the other that’s more personal. I used to be really obsessive about vegan food blogs when I was first learning to cook, so sometimes I still look at those. Ebay, i've got a soft spot for Ebay. And craigslist! So mostly commerce.

R: Right. Is that something that you think is a positive thing about the Internet? More localized, democratic form of commerce. Like craigslist you can directly talk to people who have something that you want instead of relying on some major chain like Target.

L: Yeah, its direct, but you can also get in contact with people on the other side of the world. You have access to things you never had access to before, especially through EBay.

R: How do you feel about the internet’s ever-increasing and important role in our lives?

L: Its funny how quickly it becomes a given, you know? Even for someone who doesn’t feel particularly savvy or connected, it’s still a daily thing for me. Multiple times a day. And when I don’t use it for awhile and I realize it, I feel much better about myself, because I’m not chained to this machine.

R: You feel free.

L: Yeah, free from the habit. The fact that it’s habit-forming is the most interesting thing about it to me. I think we need to think about why it’s a habit instead of just noticing it is increasingly a part of lives, but the fact that it’s a habitual repetitive act, like smoking cigarettes or compulsive eating.

R: It’s just another vice.

L: Yeah. And I have thought about why suddenly facebook has become more important element in my life in the past year, and it definitely is a social fixation.

R: Right. And I think for people like us who are hyper social, that can easily turn to a vice, relying on this thing to feel connected.

L: I think that’s completely true. My favorite Andy Warhol quote is “I have a social addiction. I have to go out and if I don’t I stay at home and spread rumors to my dogs.” I feel like facebook is spreading rumors to my dogs.

need it nowww

whoa..... so I came across this swedish networking idea that changes everything! broadcast yourself instantly from your mobile phone! Talk about being constantly connected! This program is quite groundbreaking and considering how much we use youtube as a society, it could change our culture quickly and dramatically.....

hmmm innteresssting

http://bambuser.com/

Interview With Rebecca

(Rebecca is a nineteen year old student at SAIC, this is her first year at college.)
Q.What social networking sites do you currently belong to and how many hours per day do you suppose you spend on each of these?
A. Facebook and OkCupid - I spend about an hour each day on each of these websites, though that time is generally split up into smaller increments. (Note, as Rebecca's roommate, I am pretty sure that this time estimate is a gross understatement, but we will go by Rebecca's word...)
Q. Were you previously a member on any other social networking sites that you no longer belong to?
A. Yes, while I took a gad-year in Israel last year I had an account on the website "Are you Interested," which is a free international dating website, much like OkCupid. Also, I had a Myspace account. I stopped using Myspace because I found Facebook to be a more efficient alternative.
Q. Why did you initially become interested in online dating?
A. Well, I wasn't really looking to "fall in love." Rather, I was in search of interesting adventures. I made my account on "Are You Interested" spontaneously while I was living in Israel... at the time I found the idea giddy and exciting.
Q. And how did your friends in Israel react?
A. Initially they had a very negative reaction. When it came to my friends' attention that I had joined a "sheisty sounding" online dating community, and that I was indeed planning on meeting someone from the site they more or less bitched me out in public and called me "stupid." They were specifically worried about rape and danger. "But you don't know these people! They could be anyone!" Was their reaction. But that was exactly why I wanted to meet them - they could be anyone...Approximately one month later my friends sheepishly began to use the same dating site. Eventually they all pretty much became addicted to the site.
Q. Yeah, I find that groups of friends joining dating websites together seems to happen a lot. Once one friend joins, the act of online dating seems much less taboo to that individual's friends. So, did you end up meeting the guy in Israel?
A. Actually...no. I became nervous right before the date and it started to seem like less of a good idea. I was worried that he would have expectations of me that I didn't want to fulfill. It seemed likely that he just wanted sex.
Q. Let's talk about Skype. Why do you prefer talking on Skype rather than communicating on a phone?
A. I don't like talking on the phone because I feel it puts pressure on the speakers to have constant conversation. I don't feel like Skype forces you to do that because it is just like you're talking face-to-face with the person. The natural conversational pauses that occur don't feel as strange or awkward as they do over the phone. Basically, I just feel that Skyping is closer to having an in-person conversation than talking on the phone is. Also, you are able to observe how someone moves and speaks, as well as see the person's facial expressions, which makes the conversation more lively. It's a better tool for keeping in touch with people you don't get to see in person very often.
Q. Why did you create a profile on OkCupid? Did I influence you to do so because I had an account at the time?
A. Well, yes, you did influence me to some extent; I had never heard of the dating site before.
Q. Did you have different expectations upon making an OkCupid account than you did when you joined the Are You Interested community?
A. The culture and people on OkCupid are much different than the people using online dating in Israel...I don't really feel like I have the slight apprehension I initially had about meeting people from the internet. I suppose I have acquired a feeling of invincibility...I want to see what kind of people I can meet beyond those people who are introduced to me through my day-to-day activities. I don't want to feel limited to the people that are available for me to meet. The internet seems like a good opportunity to broaden the circle of people I have access to meet.
Q. Are you more romantically inclined to meet someone this time around?
A. Yes.
Q. What is your impression of most of the people you come across on dating websites?
A. Generally, most of the guys seem pretty egotistical and/or desperate. Most of the people I've met or video-chatted with do not seem to live up to their photos and/or their "internet persona."
Q. Does this surprise you?
A. No, not overall. But the fact that some of these people are SO dishonest on a case-to-case basis does surprise me a bit. Additionally, a lot of the guys seem totally uninterested in actually meeting women from the internet in-person.

So far Rebecca has met three men from OkCupid, and has one more prospect before she plans on deleting her account.

Update: Rebecca never deleted her account. She is still seeking adventure.